Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
