As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
