$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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