I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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