you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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