Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
