Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
