He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
