you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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