You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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