So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
