he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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