If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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