**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
