There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize