All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
