see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
