So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
