it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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