he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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