Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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