Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just forgot I was standing up.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
