My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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