Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm passing your future prison.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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