so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
