I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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