I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Im just a social blackout drinker.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
