Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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