Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
