so explain again why im purple
no
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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