she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
