I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
