i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
