somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
