Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
