They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
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He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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