My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
