I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
