a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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