My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
