My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
