He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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