Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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