3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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