Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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