Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
