Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
