i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
