Jerry, you need to find god
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
