Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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