P.S. I can't hear my feet
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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