good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
