Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
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You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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