Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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