he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
