dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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