idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
