life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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