i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
