Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
