how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
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Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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