dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
