Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
