Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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