Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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