4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Randomize
