Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
