it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
