You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
