whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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