never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
