Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
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and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
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Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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