there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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